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SpiralMuse
SPIRIT |
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The Third Trimesterby Danger Angel
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Carl Jung once said "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate
suffering." I picked up a copy of People magazine in the doctor's
office and the table of contents page had a picture of a well known
wealthy supermodel with the quote " 'She's brokenhearted,' a family
confident says of scandal-plagued Paris Hilton, "she's even wearing
a black wig when she goes out.'" On the same page was a picture of
another blond girl - this one was missing an arm. Her caption read
" 'I'm not sad or mad,' says surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost her
arm to a shark. "But I thought I'd be back in the water by now.'"
Hmmm..?que es mas macho? Paris or Bethany? My mother saw an article
in Town and Country Magazine about how wealthy pregnant women are
inducing their babies at 8 months to avoid the terrible discomfort
of the last month of pregnancy. Que es mas macho? I'm not saying that
rich ladies (or Paris Hilton specifically) could never be macho, but
avoiding suffering is futile at best.
At the beginning of my 3rd trimester (autumn equinox) I spent a weekend
assisting the Buddhist Bicycle Pilgrimage www.dharmawheels.org
. Last year I was the road manager, so I agreed to help again this
year despite my belly. It was that weekend that I started to feel
the discomfort that would keep me company for the next three months.
The number of little pains in pregnancy is legion - but back pain
was my nemesis - I could only sit or stand for an hour or so before
I would have to lie down. I could feel my uterus pushing against my
ribs and internal organs that resulted in a tearing sensation under
my ribs. I could feel the lack of space acutely.
Heartburn came from putting anything in my mouth - including water.
I decided to start eating spicy pizza because if I was going to get
heartburn, I might as well deserve it. I carried the hippie version
of Tums with me everywhere and ate them like candy. And because my
stomach was so squashed, I had to eat every 2 hours. I told my mother
"It's a delicate balance between starvation and heartburn." She laughed
and nodded.
As my abdomen expanded, the skin itched as it stretched. I had to
grease it up several times a day with a concoction a friend made me
called "Che Butter" which I credit for keeping me stretch mark free.
(To order email apothekerri@yahoo.com).
I felt huge and unwieldy. To roll over in bed I had to wake up and
use both hands to pull myself over. I needed help getting off the
couch and I couldn't walk farther than a few blocks by the 8th month
of pregnancy. I was basically useless.
All of this, and I had an easy, trouble free pregnancy. High blood
pressure is a danger sign during gestation and my blood pressure never
went over 110/75. My feet and hands never got swollen. I didn't have
any liver problems or early labor signs. I had it easy! I have friends
who were put on bed rest for 3 months. 3 months in bed! I can't imagine
the boredom that must ensue.
In my last few weeks of pregnancy I lay on the couch and watched the
entire series of "Sopranos" and "Six Feet Under". My boyfriend - bless
his heart - waited on me hand and foot. If it wasn't for him, I couldn't
have done this on my own (literally!). I can't imagine being pregnant,
giving birth and recovering with a newborn without indoor plumbing,
call me Paris Hilton, but the modern conveniences of western culture
are an essential luxury at times like these. I salute all women who
have gone through pregnancy and childbirth - it's a hell of an initiation.
Suffering is the first noble truth of Buddhism. Life is hard, the
body is fragile, pain is inevitable.. I've been likening pregnancy
to a rehearsal for the dying process - an increasingly confusing relationship
to one's body, constant discomfort, extreme pain, a catharsis and
then a release to a whole new level of being. This analogy of death
and birth feels right to me because I'm a) a scorpio b) a former Hospice
volunteer c) a buddhist. When asked about death, a famous Zen master
said that he's not worried about it - he practices dying every day
in meditation. That's how I feel about pregnancy - I was practicing
dying. And when the labor pains hit, I KNEW I was dying..
-Danger Angel
Read Danger Angel's Fourth Trimester
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